We’re camping and I am offline but I have to share about an intense craving for alcohol I had last night. Probably the worst I’ve ever experienced.
We got up to the mountain around 1030am and set up camp. If I’m completely honest, I was already thinking about alcohol. It became a total annoyance, like why am I thinking about it so much, what is going on?? I’ve been on 4 RV-camping trips since being AF and haven’t had any problems like this before. I did a number of things to keep my mind off of it. I took the dogs for a walk, I read, did some nose work with the dogs, relaxed in the hammock. But, still, it persisted and eventually reached a climax.
Dinner rolled around and my husband brought whiskey (Gentleman Jack) and while cooking, he poured a glass for himself. By now my craving was over the top!! Cindy was going to town.. “just a sip, or a glass, whatever, you deserve it, one won’t hurt”…and on and on. At one point, I almost thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. I NEVER get those!
But then my husband did something that finally knocked some sense into me. He picked up the glass to take his first drink and he smelled it and made this awful face!!! Apparently he’s never had Gentleman Jack before!! He took a sip and said “well, it definitely tastes better than it smells”! That’s all it took! All of the education and tips and TRUTHS about alcohol came flooding back. It’s poison. There are so many additives and flavorings added to alcohol to make it even SOMEWHAT palatable. One sip WILL hurt, and certainly one glass will lead you down the rabbit hole. I started to think about how I would feel the next morning, hungover and regretful. Like Coach Simon talks about, ride the wave. I could literally feel myself coming off the down crest of the wave.
While in the moment, I contemplated sharing what I was going through with my husband. But you know what my first thought was? What if he agrees and says, yah, go for it, one won’t hurt? That was my fear, because he continues to drink, he wouldn’t “support” me in staying away. Later, after the urge had passed, I ended up telling him. That’s when it finally dawned on me that I think the reason the urge was so intense was because I was offline. I couldn’t reach out to my sobriety community. My friends that are going through the same thing. My buddy system was out of reach. This was truly a test in how I can manage this completely on my own.
Ride that wave, trust in your heart that it’s going to pass (and it actually passed fairly quick), trust in the people around you. After sharing with my husband he told me “I can be your buddy”. I survived my first intense craving, nearly 6 months in, and was able to do it on my own. I feel that much closer to fully achieving my life being alcohol free and I am proud beyond words. ❤️
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