Yesterday I celebrated my 6 months of being AF. What a day. It was my first day off work and I was able to be fully present in the class I’m attending for becoming AF. I was able to participate in a Zoom meeting with my favorite coach, Kat. I even made myself raise my hand and share a part of my story. Like when I shared my story on FB and now sharing my journey in this blog, being open and vulnerable, even to complete strangers, is proving to be a vital tool in helping me change my life, reaching my goals and becoming the best version of myself.
With everything I had going on yesterday, I had forgotten I had a follow up appointment with my urologist to go over the results of my CT scan. Following the surgery I had to remove the stone, my doctor wasn’t sure he got it all so he ordered the CT scan. I think I put it in the back of my mind trying not to think about it because I was so frustrated when I found out my recent dexascan showed I still have osteopenia. That news sent me down a spiral of emotions of disappointment and defeat. In order to stop thinking about the results of the CT scan, I had to tell myself to just wait and see what the results are and deal with the consequences then.
Yesterday morning when I was just waking up, thoughts about my day ahead were going through my head. I don’t remember exactly what thought I had, but this single word popped in my head: YET. It’s hard to explain what that simple word meant to me. YET. I had an instant feeling of hope and serenity and peace.
YET. I am striving to make alcohol insignificant in my life, but I haven’t reached that YET. I am working hard every day to improve both my physical and mental health, but it hasn’t happened YET. I am trying to live my life by finding ways to enhance my days without the numbing effects of alcohol, but I’m not there YET. I’m learning to relocate the old Jennifer, the calmer, more relaxed version of myself, the one before alcohol took over my world, but I haven’t found her YET.
I got the BEST news when I saw my urologist yesterday! No more kidney stones, not even fragments left! I was so thrilled, and even my doctor was happy for me. I shared with him how I’m convinced that my new, clean living, daily exercising and water intake has made these changes possible. And he agreed.
This news gave me such a renewed sense of hope and pride! All of the hard work I am putting into this life is starting to finally pay off. I am learning my reasons why and learning to have hope again for my future. I am striving every day to become the very best version of myself, but I haven’t reach it…YET!!!
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