It might sound strange to people, especially those who don’t drink, but lately I’ve had a feeling surrounding alcohol and my drinking, like I’m missing a long, lost friend. I’m not having cravings, per se, but just missing what I used to believe were the emotions surrounding my drinking, if that makes sense.
Years ago, I had a patient that was a Vietnam war ere vet, who was 100% service connected with depression. He told me one time, that because his depression was well managed today, he often thought about his depression and “missed” it in a way. Like missing an old friend. I guess it can be the same with addiction.
My thoughts of this started last week when I was having some stress at work and thinking to myself that in the past, I’d immediately get home and on pour a glass of wine. That would make it all ok! (Or so I thought) And last night we went to our favorite sushi restaurant and I realized I hadn’t been there since I stopped drinking. Of course, part of the appeal was having saki with our meals. I remember thinking about that before we went, and even while we were there, dang I miss having saki. Again, I really wasn’t craving it, it’s just the emotions I guess surrounding the event.
I, of course, didn’t drink, and I thoroughly enjoyed the food and the company. It just started me thinking about missing my old friend. I have to remind myself that some relationships end. Some end bad or some just fizzle out. It’s okay to miss the times you had with your old friend but there may be a good reason why they are not in your life anymore. Reminding myself how much better I’m doing without them in my life. I learned a lot from them and owe them a lot to who I am and to how I’ve grown into the person I am today. They will always hold a space in my heart, but now is the time to live my life without them.
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